There once was a powerful penis
attached to a great man named Dennis.
In and out it did thrust
To satisfy his carnal lusts.
Now discarded, a fine instrument gathering dust.
***********************************************************
Enter Dennis and Jide…
Ah! Dennis there you are!
You know you are our star!
Where have you been?
At our parties you’ve not been seen
For weeks and even a month now!
My dear fellow, I’m no coward, not yellow,
I just wanted to mellow
You know…chill
I will roll with the boys still
Come another day, perhaps tomorrow.
Dennis I hear your words
But I see your eyes
These words are lies.
Whats wrong? It’s me your guy!
You know you can’t lie.
We’ve even had threesomes together
What manner of stormy weather
Can put us asunder?
Dennis, Speak your mind.
Jide, my friend, you are kind
But I just need to unwind…
Dennis! Speak you mind!!!
Jide, I have HIV.
Do you see?
How terrible could that be?
Between you and me
There is no problem that we…
…Wait… what?
Ehn?
#pause
Dennis? Wetin you say?
Abeg, Abeg, talk say na play
Na your bodi HIV dey?
Yes Jide, I just found out a month ago today.
That’s why I’ve been in dismay
I did not know what to say
The girls have been looking for me
But they are the last people I want to see
So guy, wait…
Junior Dennis the great
The penis the ladies admired
Has been retired
Since this disease has come?
Kai! Where did you get it from?
It could have been Ndidi, Sandra or Bola,
Maybe Abigail, Chinwe or Sola
Even Ekaette, Uju or Amina
The truth is I don’t know.
You know I’ve never been slow
If I seen a chance, I go!
Sometimes I didn’t use protection
I’ve always been a man of action
Only aimed for satisfaction…
NO!!! Dennis! But why? Kai!
Did the doctor say you would die?
NO. I just need my medication
Been looking for some motivation
To go on.
I can never have sex again
The thought brings physical pain
I have nothing left to live for
I’m shaken to the core
Jide what will I do?
Oh, ehen, sorry, I didn’t hear you
I was chatting with Andrew
Paroles dey tonight
The babes are tight
The mood is right
Sorry I can’t stay
Maybe you should go and pray
It’s a pity you can’t come
There are enough chicks and then some
Wetin you talk again? HIV abi?
God is your muscle, Jesus is your padi.
As for me
I’ve got to go.
Ahn! Jide? Is this life?
Exit
**************************************
PENILE ZOMBIE – A song – to be sung in tune to FELAs Zombie
Zombie-o, zombie
*[CHORUS] ZOMBIE-O, ZOMBIE (2X)
Zombie go just dey salute, once you touch im bodi
*[CHORUS] ZOMBIE *(after each line)
Zombie no go stop, unless e reach where e dey go
Zombie no go slow, unless you moan “go slow”
Zombie no go fast, unless you shout “harder, harder”
Zombie-o, zombie
*[CHORUS] ZOMBIE-O, ZOMBIE (2X)
Tell am to go rape– Joro, Jara, Joro
No logic, no reasoning, no sense– Joro, Jara, Joro
Tell am to go cheat– Joro, Jara, Joro
No love, no care, no thought– Joro, Jara, Joro
Tell am to commit adultery– Joro, Jara, Joro
No wife, no kids, no life– Joro, Jara, Joro
Go and rape
*[CHORUS] JORO, JARA, JORO *(after each line)
Go and fuck
Go and do** **(do…do…destroy)
Put am for there!
Go and chook!
Go and gbensh!
Go and knack (3x)
Joro, Jara, Joro- O Zombie way na one way (3x)
Joro, Jara, Joro- Ooooh
Attention!
*[CHORUS] ZOMBIE
Stand up!
Wear condom!
enter mouth!
enter front!
enter back!
Double speed
Sa-lute
Cowgirl
Doggystyle
thrust in
thrust out
Speed up
Get ready *(2x)
Arrrgghhhhhhh!!!
Yes! *(Repeat 3x from “Attention”)
*[CHORUS] ZOMBIE
Dis-miss
Lmfao!! Warris dis????
It is a silly something 🙂
Jesu!
I actually did enjoy this. I like the underlying message amidst the silliness. The play on words and rhyme. Oh and the dialogue was epic… Lol. Genius.
O_O
O_^
LOOOOL
even in marriage. .God is our strength. . .
He is our muscle… in all things….
And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why Theater of my Mind is my favorite blog.. (Well, this and every other post on here..)
Who makes sentences rhyme in pidgin?
With the cadence of a Shakespeare play?
And the humor of your friendly neighborhood mallam?
Wole..
*Lathers*
Thank you, Thank you. You’re far too kind
TROLIFICATION! What is this!! =)). Wole, I took you for serious tho!
Ps. There’s a HIV message here. I hope everyone notes it.
Me and ‘Serious’ are in an open relationship 😀
Funny. Makes sense too.
Thanks.
LMAO! -> “God is your muscle. Jesus is your padi”
S.M.H!
Well, yes, what else could Jide say?
If Dennis had an ipad then he could have said:
“Your ipad is your padi”
*sigh* *smh*
But Wole, why u use my name na 😥
Amina is a good geh na *sniff sniff*
LOVELY post by the way!!!!! Love the zombie song lol
Thank you! Of course Amina is a good girl… I was referring to some other Amina….
He also used mine *folds fist in a threatening manner*….Wole this is beyond funny though.
Loooooool!!! Moral of the story: Nobody’s got your back except you.
Oh? there’s a moral? :s
*smh*
Love how you took a serious msg, twisted it into comic relief but still didn’t lose the important message
Bravo bruva
Serious message? What serious message?
🙂
This guy is a weist.. Lmao… Nice sha, at least the message is still clear
I’m not gonna be, I’m not gonna be…
“Paulu, Paulu, akaju iwe ti fe da ori e ru!” – Acts 26:24
LOOOL!
Thus says the PhD (Permanent Head Damage) student
:p
My sanity may have just been confirmed.
LMAO! Dude! U had to do the Fela song…smh
I like the way you put the message across. Bravo
‘Ibid’: see @Jael’s comment, completely enddorsed.
Wole you know I think/believe you are awesome.
*Breaks into Windeck*
LOOOOL What?? *sigh*
Way too silly…but I loved it all the same! Errrm,but u’d never write stuff like dis again,right?
Oh! I just might. It depends, on when the silliness takes me…
Tell am to go *insert double syllabic sex synonym here*
Jara Joro Jara
Again, I and Slevin are offering limited discounts today on bates.
Buy one, only cuz we’re selling!
*Purchases One bate*
*sets umbrella* I’m also selling bates too.
This is funny and educative at the same time! Nice 1!
What is this educative message you people are on about?
:s
*standing ovation*
*takes bow*
Love this. Enjoyed the Fela song very well. So funny too but one can’t ignore d moral of d story which is Wear condom, enter mouth, enter front, enter back, Double speed…….
Lmaooo, wole what is this hahahahah
It is a something
LMAO!!!!! This was too funny!!! Loved the Zombie part!
And the message was clear as well. Great post.
I originally wrote that song for @thetoolsman’s Penis monologues a while back. Thanks.
Hilarious.
Was actually singing along….
Lovely piece!
You are a good student 🙂
Errrr…
This is different in a lovely kind of way. Reminds me of dance dramas and more especially a yoruba musical dat was released sometime ago. The name is Sora (I think). I think this shud be adapted into one of such, and it is a creative way of spreading the msg about HIV across.
Nice 1.
Someone should do that and pay me ‘royal tees’ and oh, I was Vice=president of my NYSC dance and drama group so… yeah 🙂
Sora eh? I’ll hunt for it
Loooool…..surely not one of the posts with plenty grammar but the message is too clear!!
Very funny song……loveee the zombie remix….!!!
Weldone wole!
Thank ye 🙂
I was already in stitches by the first line.
Hahahah
If you haven’t already purchased your bates, do so now…
Hahaha.. Oh God. What is this?? ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )
LMAO! The zombie lyrics made my day.
This is crazy! I loved the Zombie remix. You should probably remix Follow Follow too..
Wow, nice one ThinkTank… Great story. I loved it… Bookmarked and subscribed 🙂
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