A Silly P story

There once was a powerful penis

attached to a great man named Dennis.

In and out it did thrust

To satisfy his carnal lusts.

Now discarded, a fine instrument gathering dust.


Enter Dennis and Jide…

Ah! Dennis there you are!

You know you are our star!

Where have you been?

At our parties you’ve not been seen

For weeks and even a month now!

My dear fellow, I’m no coward, not yellow,

I just wanted to mellow

You know…chill

I will roll with the boys still

Come another day, perhaps tomorrow.

Dennis I hear your words

But I see your eyes

These words are lies.

Whats wrong? It’s me your guy!

You know you can’t lie.

We’ve even had threesomes together

What manner of stormy weather

Can put us asunder?

Dennis, Speak your mind.

Jide, my friend, you are kind

But I just need to unwind…

Dennis! Speak you mind!!!

Jide, I have HIV.

Do you see?

How terrible could that be?

Between you and me

There is no problem that we…

…Wait… what?



Dennis? Wetin you say?

Abeg, Abeg, talk say na play

Na your bodi HIV dey?

Yes Jide, I just found out a month ago today.

That’s why I’ve been in dismay

I did not know what to say

The girls have been looking for me

But they are the last people I want to see

So guy, wait…

Junior Dennis the great

The penis the ladies admired

Has been retired

Since this disease has come?

Kai! Where did you get it from?

It could have been Ndidi, Sandra or Bola,

Maybe Abigail, Chinwe or Sola

Even Ekaette, Uju or Amina 

The truth is I don’t know.

You know I’ve never been slow

If I seen a chance, I go!

Sometimes I didn’t use protection

I’ve always been a man of action

Only aimed for satisfaction…

NO!!! Dennis! But why? Kai!

Did the doctor say you would die?

NO. I just need my medication

Been looking for some motivation

To go on.

I can never have sex again

The thought brings physical pain

I have nothing left to live for

I’m shaken to the core

Jide what will I do?

Oh, ehen, sorry, I didn’t hear you

I was chatting with Andrew

Paroles dey tonight

The babes are tight

The mood is right

Sorry I can’t stay

Maybe you should go and pray

It’s a pity you can’t come

There are enough chicks and then some

Wetin you talk again? HIV abi?

God is your muscle, Jesus is your padi.

As for me

I’ve got to go.

Ahn! Jide? Is this life?



PENILE ZOMBIE – A song – to be sung in tune to FELAs Zombie

Zombie-o, zombie


Zombie go just dey salute, once you touch im bodi

*[CHORUS] ZOMBIE *(after each line)

Zombie no go stop, unless e reach where e dey go

Zombie no go slow, unless you moan “go slow”

Zombie no go fast, unless you shout “harder, harder”

Zombie-o, zombie


Tell am to go rape– Joro, Jara, Joro

No logic, no reasoning, no sense– Joro, Jara, Joro

Tell am to go cheat– Joro, Jara, Joro

No love, no care, no thought– Joro, Jara, Joro

Tell am to commit adultery– Joro, Jara, Joro

No wife, no kids, no life– Joro, Jara, Joro

Go and rape

*[CHORUS] JORO, JARA, JORO *(after each line)

Go and fuck

Go and do** **(do…do…destroy)

Put am for there!

Go and chook!

Go and gbensh!

Go and knack (3x)

Joro, Jara, Joro- O Zombie way na one way (3x)

Joro, Jara, Joro- Ooooh



Stand up!

Wear condom!

enter mouth!

enter front!

enter back!

Double speed




thrust in

thrust out

Speed up

Get ready *(2x)


Yes! *(Repeat 3x from “Attention”)