
I Dream of Earthquakes
When I am stressed I dream of earthquakes.
These earthquakes usually happen in my room.
Everytime I try to escape them but I never succeed.
So maybe being awake is better than being asleep.
Or is it? No, it isn’t. NO IT ISN’T!
I also experience earthquakes when I am awake.
Everytime I try to escape them but I never succeed
These ones are far worse than my dream earthquakes.
They take the form of envious eyes, evil hearts, fake smiles,
fear, cold stares, confusion, madness, missed deadlines,
guilty memories not laid to rest,
ghosts tormenting my imagination, painful words, phobia,
diseases of the mind, darkness, voices dancing in my head,
violence, loneliness, lost legacies.
So I fight an endless raging battle. No, two endless raging battles
One battle in the mind, one outside it. The world persecutes me.
Dad said ‘choose your battles’ but how could I choose this time?
These battles, these afflictions were forced on me.
I was chosen for this but not given a choice.
There’s not even one ‘kiss from a rose’ to ease the pain.
So these sobs turn into angry screams.
I scream, I wail, I call, I plead, I pray, I wait
But no one hears me because their ears are blocked by selfishness.
To them, success is all that matters
I hoped my psychiatrist would hear my desperate screams
But I guess he was too distracted by his own problems
O death, where is thy sting so I can be saved by it?
O grave, where is thy victory? Redeem me!
When I am stressed I dream of earthquakes and it’s painful
But my pain has become my paradise; a necessary evil
An escape from the far more painful experience of being awake.
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The Dancer
Step after step, sweat flowing
Heart pounding, gyrating to the beat
Left, right, centre, backwards, forwards
All around heads nodding to the beat
Clapping to the rhythm, feet tapping
The audience would scream for an encore
Didn’t they always? They want more
Nobody understood, the truth always out of their grasp
He had understood, he had grasped the truth
He was gone, why remember him
Remember that night of intensity
Nothing like it ever again
Gone like all the rest
They always left, everybody
Once the pain reared its head, each ran
The demons chased them away
No happiness for this dancer
Riding out the last couple of chords
This was it, it was here,
the pain became fierce
Here the anger became fire
Head up, teeth bared, tears always there
It was at the end now, tears flowing
Step after step, sweat flowing
Here was the end of the dance
Encore! Encore! Encore!
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Self Love
Everybody says ‘love your self’
Nobody sees how hard it is
How much pain suffocates the body
Never really looking behind the white teeth and the flirtation
Beyond the laughter and the chirpy attitude
Its so much easier to love another
To devote everything to another
Heart, soul and spirit is theirs
Loving oneself requires so much
Opening jars and jars of tears
Upturning buckets of pain
Soul searching, finding one’s true self
Things so hard, things impossible
Courage to fight for another is abundant
Happiness at others achievements overflowing
‘Be happy for yourself’ they say
Happy about what?
Standing in front of a mirror
Taunts and jeers remembered
Stupid, Ugly, Whore, Skinny, Bitch…
anger and tears eagerly looking for release
Where can happiness be found?
How do you find peace when all your being is at war?
When will a smile be real?
From the soul, complete, in your eyes
Happiness, so far away, such a rarity, such a treasure
Letting go? Why is it so damn hard?
Happiness! Why so fucking elusive?
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Editors Note:
These three poems were written by ladies who wish to remain anonymous. Kindly leave a comment for them.