Brethren, ye are not Kanye of the West

(and even if you are you probably shouldnt be… so much)

Kanye Omari West #Boss

I refer to him as a regular guy gone awesome. He is immensely talented and hardworking, of that, there is also no doubt. It is evident from the sheer quantity and quality of material he has put out in what has been a relatively short career so far. He is no Adonis, his face is not one known to make ladies swoon and wet themselves with lust but it isn’t hard to look at either. Some would even say he is quite handsome but I know nothing of these things.

Sidebar: As far as male hotness goes, there are only two numbers on my scale: Normal and hideous. If you are not hideous, then you are normal. I know the ladies will be doing YIMU for me right now but I’ll see your YIMU and raise you a YIMU in 3D with Dolby surround sound. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it

Kanye has overcome what many would consider a trying situation (his parents got divorced when he was three) to become arguably the most successful and versatile artists in the music business today. He is creative, deep and intellectual. Abundant evidence of this can be found in his styles and lyrics. And oh, yes his is quite rich. He’s ranked third in Forbes’ Hip hop rich list, second only to the Baba Agba’s of the business JayZ and Diddy and ahead of some othe Egbons’ in the game Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre as well as the apparently now omnipresent evil spirit of Hip Hop – Lil Wayne.

Sidebar: Is it just me or does it seems like Lil Wayne is featured on every song out from the last two years? I could have sworn I heard him drop a verse on Vic-O’s Enigma. Nigga be appearing everywhere. Anyway, we must thank God for small mercies. At least it’s not Wacka Flocka Flame or Soulja boy.

Anyway, quite simply put, Kanye West is one of us, just awesome-r. But despite being one of the most talented people in the business today, sadly, he suffers from a mutant strain of an illness that has plagued members of the human race (especially the men) for a long time and is spreading at an alarming rate.

Its symptoms are in no particular order: Delusions of awesomeness, excessive swelling of the ego, unwarranted paranoia, a constant sense of persecution and the feeling that “niggas can’t tell you nothing”.  Kanye seems to be the celebrity flag bearer of the new strain of the disease. Although it is by no means an epidemic, it is spreading with every passing day. I will call it Kanye-ism. And yes, it is named after Kanye West.  Sweetness. I named a disease.

Sidebar: Isnt that just clever of me! Kanye-ism/Kanye West? That just pure creativity! Can I get a fistbump in the house? An Amen? Something?… Wait, what is this? The dictionary already came up with a name for it: Obnoxiousness. Hold up, hell no dawg! Why the dictionary gotta go steal my shine yo? 😥 Webster aint nothing but a hater. Y’all can’t tell me nuthin’. Its Kanye-ism yo! Obnoxiousness is white man’s hate speech.

Sadly, a lot of young men these days have latched onto this persona and walk around thinking that this is normal acceptable behavior. Obnoxiousness Kanye-ism is not normal behavior. It is disgusting and stupid.

For example, it’s in the nature hip hop business to brag about yourself but Kanye takes bragging to a whole other level. His lyrics are full of statements alluding to his perceived sense of self awesomeness. So far, no real problem. There is nothing wrong with thinking you are the best out there but to storm out of the building when others don’t agree with you is just downright childish and inane. There are a multitude of other examples but…

Sidebar: I don’t need to bring up the various mic-snatching incidents and ‘Kanyegate’ again do I? I’d much rather not. Suffice it to say that even Barrack Obama thought he was and I quote “…a jackass” for that.  Google it if you have to.

KanyeGate according to Shakespeare

And then there’s the bitterness towards his ex and the insults, subs and songs to and about her. That just reeks of obnoxiousness and pettiness. There’s no evidence (that I know of) to show she did anything to wrong him except refuse to be neglected when he decided to focus on his album and ignore her. I’m sure in the Kaniverse*, she should have stayed like a good planet and revolved around him because well…he is Kanye.

Sidebar: I’m not much of a gossip so this is the limit of my knowledge of their relationship issues. Feel free to correct me. And no, I do not consider trawling trough gossip sites to be ‘research’.

But of course, Kanye being Kanye, he gets away with it because he is a regular guy, only more awesome. And we all know that awesomeness beats normal behavior every day of the week and twice on Sundays. One hugely successful album, a series of features on hit songs and a collaboration with Jay-Z later, all his sins have been more or less washed away. Regular humans usually do not get away with these things so easily. Try it. At your next company Christmas party when they are about to give an award to the employee of the year, pull a Kanye and snatch the mic from your CEO and say something like

‘Yo, Chief Adedokun, imma let you finish but Uchechi is the best employee of all time’. See how long it takes HR to type your sack letter. I guarantee a record.

And of course, there are the innocent people who were caught in the wake of Kanye’s Ego passing by. Some were really hurt by all his ridiculous outbursts and tirades. Those he accused of being racists, that poor singing Tailor girl, his former business partner…I’m sure there are more. In my opinion, once your ego begins to have a negative impact on other people’s lives, it’s gotten too big.

I leave charred remains in my wake. I'm a boss

I don’t want to turn this into a Kanye bashing exercise because, well because I really like Kanye and all that jazz so here is a short emergency kit to help prevent Kanye-ism

  1. Be just confident enough to feel good about yourself but not so much that you make others feel bad about themselves. They will resent you for it and you may never be forgiven except…well…except you are Kanye.
  2. Don’t keep telling people how rich and important you are, they should already know. And if they don’t, then they should be able to tell…Besides, you are not Kanye. Everybody already knows Kanye.
  3. Not everybody is a Hater. Some people are genuinely trying to correct you…everybody could do with some improvement and correction…well maybe except Kanye.
  4. Avoid publicly insisting that you are better than anyone else, it just makes you look kind of pathetic since..well… since you are not Kanye.
  5. Never ever refer to yourself as being persecuted by the media or any other imaginary enemies. Even if you are, just deal with them and don’t make noise about it. Don’t randomly accuse people of trying to marginalize or swindle you. It makes you seem like a paranoid idiot and you lose respect…well…unless you are Kanye.
  6. Don’t speak evil of people you were once in love with unless they have genuinely wronged you. By genuinely wronged, I mean done something so terrible that you feel compelled to warn others about it. Breaking up with you for any of your flaws or actions does not qualify. Mutually agreed separation for any reason also doesn’t count.  It’s petty and childish…even if you are Kanye.
  7. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Just don’t. It makes you seem kinda like a doushebag (jackass according to Obama)…even if you are Kanye.
  8. Calm down. You are not that important. You are most assuredly not Jesus….yes…even you Kanye.
  9. Don’t brag about how good you are in bed or how many people you have had carnal knowledge of. Let them do that for you. Well, unless you are Kanye. Then you can just make a song about it  (By the way, Kanye, abeg make song about how good the sex with Amber Rose is na, the pictures of her ‘rosegarden’ are just delectable! Can’t believe you let that fresh ’garden’ get away yo! That riff-raff Wiz is now hitting that? Damn…)
  10. Don’t dress like you just rediscovered the joys of poster color. Kanye gets away with it because he is Kanye. You on the other hand are being judged.

Before the Voltrons unite and instigate Jihad against me, I would have you all know that I am a huge Kanye West fan.  A huge fan. A ginormous fan. A “Bitch-I-will-cut- you-if- you-touch-my-‘My dark twisted fantasy’-CD” type of fan. I love his music. So this is not anti-Kanye propaganda. It’s a simple appeal to my fellow men (And some women) to dial back on the obnoxious behavior. Actions speak louder than words. You may indeed be rich, intelligent, good-looking, incredibly talented and all round generally awesome but that’s no reason to rub it in everyone’s faces and act as though your opinion is worth more than theirs and you deserve better than everyone else. You are not the only awesome person out there. Besides, there is a little thing called hubris. You would do well to fear it…even if you are Kanye Omari West.

The ego has landed.

Editors Note:

I originally wrote this for TheNakedConvos at the request of @thetoolsman. He edited it and the edit was posted there. This is the full original draft I wrote before the edit. Consider it a directors cut of sorts. I hope you enjoyed it. 

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7 thoughts on “Brethren, ye are not Kanye of the West

  1. Lately i think i might have been showing a symptoms of Kanye-ism 😎 damn!

    I like d way u wrote this..unbiased..all rapperz talk about themselves & are egocentric..i guess it’s only kanye that pushed it beyond d limit 😦

    Lemme quote for quoting sake

    Eminem (no love)- i need to grab the mic off these modafuckin whackerz, where d fuck is Kanye when u need him

    Jay Z (power remix)- in search of d truth even if it goes thru Taylor swift..
    (that’s my Bitch)- why all the pretty icons gotta b all white

    Kanye(touch d sky)-i’m tryin to right my wrongs but it’s funny dey say wrongs help me write d song

    (new day) – And I’ll never let my son have an
    ego
    He’ll be nice to everyone,
    wherever we go
    I mean, I might even make ‘em
    be Republican
    So everybody know he love
    white people
    And I’ll never let ‘em leave his
    college girlfriend
    And get caught up with the
    groupies in the whirlwind
    And I’ll never let ‘em ever hit the
    telethon
    I mean even if people dyin’ and
    the world ends
    See, I just want ‘im to have an
    easy life, not like Yeezy life
    Just want ‘im to be someone
    people like
    Don’t want ‘im to be hated, all the
    time judged
    Don’t be like your daddy that
    would never budge
    And I’ll never let ‘im ever hit a
    strip club
    I learned the hard way, that ain’t
    the place to get love

  2. “Don’t dress like you just rediscovered the joys of poster color.” LMAOOOOOO! I really enjoyed reading this. I’m a huge Kanye fan too, but dat niccuh needs to take his ego down a notch. Speaking of ego, I think Jay Z is even worse. Nice post. Now subscribing.

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