THE LEGEND OF BANGKOK – Prologue

Hello people. So I finally made the move to WordPress. It pained me greatly to abandon blogger – my first blogging platform, but hey, that’s what happens to the first wife when she stops taking care of herself,; gets all fat and ugly; stops wearing heels and starts wearing rubber shoes; doesn’t make her hair, you know, all that fancy stuff; and the husbands friends start complaining and at first he defends her but after a while, he can’t anymore and he has to out every day and see his friends with their pretty, young thangs and he knows he can get one but he still feels loyalty to his first and he resists and tries and then one day when the cup is full and overflowing and he can hold it no longer, he kicks the stup cow out of…er…I’m sorry I got carried away a bit. Anyway, now I’m on WordPress. Learning to love it now. That’s that.

It happened. Deal with it.

It’s been a while since I posted anything. I apologize; it was due to writers block (Sometimes I feel like taking a concrete block and etching the word “writer” onto it just so I can say I have ‘a writers block’). Anyway, I couldn’t find the voice to say what I wanted to say so I opted to remain silent. It took the occurrence of a long anticipated event, currently happening on a global scale to rouse me from my writing slumber, an event which many of you will pay to witness, which will make some cry, laugh, wail in disappointment and some in triumph: the event of which I speak is none other than: The theatrical release of the ‘Hangover Part 2’!

😀

 Yes, apparently the boys who provided us with many a laugh due to their alcohol-fueled madcap adventures in Vegas are back and as the tagline of the movie tells us “Bangkok has them now”. Without getting into any lengthy discussion about whether this one is as funny as the first or if it has fallen victim to the dreaded ‘Sequel curse’, I’ll say I think it’s pretty awesome that they chose Bangkok as a location for the sequel. As some of you may already know I was in Bangkok myself for a few days on an official class trip which was little better than a thinly veiled excuse for much needed faaji after 7 months of constant and consistent torture by our lecturers. Seeing the trailer for the movie reminded of my few days and nights in Bangkok and seeing as how my brain is as effective at holding memories as a basket is at containing smoke, I decided to write a tale of my own adventures in Bangkok before I forget all the juicy details. That being said, this is my version of The Legend of Bangkok: A tale of smiles, sun, temples, gold and ladyboys.

 PROLOGUE

~The story you are about to read is true. Places and events are reported more or less as they are and as they occurred (supplemented with hyperbole, silliness, illustrations and sarcasm as deemed required) The names of some of the players have been withheld to avoid beating of , legal proceedings against and/or murder of the writer by offended people~

(However, there will be pictures, so…errr….yeah….they’ll still kick the shit out of me and its kind of futile really…so yeah)

Our flight to Bangkok was scheduled for 10:00pm the day after my final exams. I decided to leave all my packing and arrangements till the last minute and then just to make my life more interesting, I woke up late – at 10:30am. (You know, as per badt guys and big boiz tigns  (-_______________- ).

Realizing how close I was cutting it, I foolishly decided to leave the house without taking a bath. (This stupidity came back to bite me in the ass later on).

First order of business, I went to get me a haircut. It was pretty sweet if I may say so myself and I promptly christened the style “Bangkok Dangerous”. (If you like be there making fun of me, I don’t care. And also… Askor!)After that, I ran all my errands successfully, changed my few British pounds into Thai Baht, and was on my way back home when I saw a sign that quite simply spoke to both the Waffi and the Ijebu in my soul: SALE! I could not resist…I walked in.

By the time I walked out of the store with a pair of sweet shoes bought at a ridiculously low price, it was 4:00pm. I was in a hurry and started to run, I still had to get home and pack. Struggling with the box of shoes I had just bought while running, sweat was now escaping my unwashed armpits and beginning to give off a foul smell. Ignoring all this, I hopped on the bus and headed home. Just because the world is a cruel and evil place and fate likes to mock me, a hot girl got on at the next stop and sat in front of me. She looked at me. She smiled. I looked at her.  I Smiled. She smelled me. I smelled myself. She turned away. I looked down at the floor and wept inside my soul with shame. When I got to my stop, I jumped off, ran home and entered the shower to try and wash the shame and the smell away.

After putting that trauma behind me, I packed, locked up my room, said a small prayer and walked to the station where I hopped on the train heading to Heathrow airport. I ran into 4 of my Kazakh classmates on the train and we shared a few half-hearted jokes. By the time we got to the airport it was almost 7:00pm, just about the right time for check-in. I had to wait for my friends “Big E” and “Ms. O” to arrive since I had their tickets with me. After this point, everything went smoothly from check-in to the start of the flight.  As the entire class boarded the flight, I thought to myself “This is real; we are really going to Bangkok baby!” (At this point, I may or may not have fist-bumped the air-hostess).

To be continued

Coming next…Chapter 1: ROUGH LANDING

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10 thoughts on “THE LEGEND OF BANGKOK – Prologue

  1. LOL. It’s so cool how you compared blogger to a first wife (unfair though, as I’m sure blogger was loving and faithful.).
    I like stories like this because I get to read about other people’s adventures and plan mine 🙂

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