Theater of my Mind

…Of thoughts and experiences – both real and imagined

Three Cheers for Pain and Poetry

I Dream of Earthquakes

When I am stressed I dream of earthquakes.

These earthquakes usually happen in my room.

Everytime I try to escape them but I never succeed.

So maybe being awake is better than being asleep.

Or is it? No, it isn’t. NO IT ISN’T!

I also experience earthquakes when I am awake.

Everytime I try to escape them but I never succeed

These ones are far worse than my dream earthquakes.

They take the form of envious eyes, evil hearts, fake smiles,

fear, cold stares, confusion, madness, missed deadlines,

guilty memories not laid to rest,

ghosts tormenting my imagination, painful words, phobia,

diseases of the mind, darkness, voices dancing in my head,

violence, loneliness, lost legacies.

So I fight an endless raging battle. No, two endless raging battles

One battle in the mind, one outside it. The world persecutes me.

Dad said ‘choose your battles’ but how could I choose this time?

These battles, these afflictions were forced on me.

I was chosen for this but not given a choice.

There’s not even one ‘kiss from a rose’ to ease the pain.

So these sobs turn into angry screams.

I scream, I wail, I call, I plead, I pray, I wait

But no one hears me because their ears are blocked by selfishness.

To them, success is all that matters

I hoped my psychiatrist would hear my desperate screams

But I guess he was too distracted by his own problems

O death, where is thy sting so I can be saved by it?

O grave, where is thy victory? Redeem me!

When I am stressed I dream of earthquakes and it’s painful

But my pain has become my paradise; a necessary evil

An escape from the far more painful experience of being awake.

**************************************************************************************************************

The Dancer

Step after step, sweat flowing

Heart pounding, gyrating to the beat

Left, right, centre, backwards, forwards

All around heads nodding to the beat

Clapping to the rhythm, feet tapping

The audience would scream for an encore

Didn’t they always? They want more

Nobody understood, the truth always out of their grasp

He had understood, he had grasped the truth

He was gone, why remember him

Remember that night of intensity

Nothing like it ever again

Gone like all the rest

They always left, everybody

Once the pain reared its head, each ran

The demons chased them away

No happiness for this dancer

Riding out the last couple of chords

This was it, it was here,

the pain became fierce

Here the anger became fire

Head up, teeth bared, tears always there

It was at the end now, tears flowing

Step after step, sweat flowing

Here was the end of the dance

Encore! Encore! Encore!

****************************************************************************************************

Self Love

Everybody says ‘love your self’

Nobody sees how hard it is

How much pain suffocates the body

Never really looking behind the white teeth and the flirtation

Beyond the laughter and the chirpy attitude

Its so much easier to love another

To devote everything to another

Heart, soul and spirit is theirs

Loving oneself requires so much

Opening jars and jars of tears

Upturning buckets of pain

Soul searching, finding one’s true self

Things so hard, things impossible

Courage to fight for another is abundant

Happiness at others achievements overflowing

‘Be happy for yourself’ they say

Happy about what?

Standing in front of a mirror

Taunts and jeers remembered

Stupid, Ugly, Whore, Skinny, Bitch…

anger and tears eagerly looking for release

Where can happiness be found?

How do you find peace when all your being is at war?

When will a smile be real?

From the soul, complete, in your eyes

Happiness, so far away, such a rarity, such a treasure

Letting go? Why is it so damn hard?

Happiness! Why so fucking elusive?

*************************************************************************************************************************

Editors Note:

These three poems were written by ladies who wish to remain anonymous. Kindly leave a comment for them. 

4 comments on “Three Cheers for Pain and Poetry

  1. PreyingMantis
    December 20, 2011

    Why these ladies chose to stay anonymous makes me chuckle.

    “O death, where is thy sting so I can be saved by it?” – Tragic and yet beautiful.

    Loving one’s self can’t be emphasised. It saves you from being an appreciated doormat. You realise you deserve better. It’s tough. Make it work all the same.

    Lovely poems ladies.

    • ThinkTank!
      January 4, 2012

      My sentiments exactly. But their choice.

  2. awizii
    December 20, 2011

    I really like ‘I dream of earthquakes’. . .For me I realize that pain in whatever form is that earthquake that breaks everything around me and in me so much I have to hold on to something else to make me feel better. Life support if you will.

    Pain brings the best in me, because it turns what I feel in my heart into art.

    ‘Self Love’ is so amazing. No one will love you as much as you love yourself, and that in itself is the most difficult thing. One always thinks one knows what one wants.

    And as for ‘The Dancer’ what can I say?

    ‘They always left, everybody

    Once the pain reared its head, each ran

    The demons chased them away’

    I keep trying to wrap my head around the beauty of these three lines.

    I adore all three poems. I wish you put your names here. Amazing!

  3. MsDuro
    December 20, 2011

    i love all three of them

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This entry was posted on December 20, 2011 by in Poetry and tagged , .

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